|Spermbank Dad Fred Astaire|
He has hugely transformed his attitude [from hostility and resentment] toward the fact that his dad came from a sperm bank. Which is not, in fact, the truth, about his dad. Re Jamie's dad:
[btw, a coherent way to read this serial blog of a well-intentioned liar is from earliest to recent. coherent's not always fun, either, but I'll include backstory links where they seem helpful.]
Yet I'm glad he's forgiven me, even if he has forgiven a lie that he thinks is the truth. I'll have to check A Mom's Guide to Lying and Evasion, but I believe that a child's forgiving a mother for a transgression she lied about committing absolves the mother-transgressor. I do know that forgiveness makes the lied-to child feel better. That's like, you know, Buddhism for Dummies.
Here's how it happened.
In his graphic novel studio arts course, the portfolio assignment was to create a reality-based fictional family memoir. Btw, Jamie has real artistic talent so he was able to enroll in a junior-level art class. The older students--unconventional, multiple-piercing types--were bitching about having to find creative ways to cartoon their bourgeois, suburban families.
Jamie said: "yeah, well my father came from a sperm bank. What am I supposed to do with that?"
BAM! Instant celebrity. Because he has a sperm-bank dad [SBD] Jamie becomes the uber unconventional It Kid on the university undergrad art scene. The pony-tailed artist prof decides to mentor him. This prof--"Kirk"-- urges him to create a fictional graphic bio of his father as one that purports to be factual, so as to create a "meta-meta piece."
Jamie did and titled it: Stick Man. He got an "A." Kirk called Jamie a "wunderkind," which Jamie said he had to look up on his iPhone dictionary app.
Jamies's not sure if he's ready to let me see it, so I'm not pressing. I am, however, dying to see it. Has Jamie genetically intuited anything about his real father? Like that he plays the harspichord. Or is an art dealer. Or that he was once the handsomest British man in London, and one who sketched a small pencil drawing of a younger me as a reclining nude reading a volume of Christina Rossetti poems.
Tomorrow, Jamie and I are going to make the long drive to NYC and stay at Thomas's place. When I meet with Helen the prodcuer, Thomas and his boyfriend are taking Jamie to see A Little Night Music; they scored an extra ticket.
I am feeling very happy.
And yes-- of course, of course-- I know that this protracted, sperm-bank father lie is an etchically-complicated mess of my own making. But there's a metaphorical truth to it, no? and that Jamie wrote a fictional bio of his Stick Man father strikes me as also metaphorically authentic. The guy's never been in Jamie's life, and when it was time to pony up for college, he went and had a stroke, leaving me with a huge second mortage on my modest house.
Call me a cockeyed optimist--and that would be a first-- but I've got a big gut feeling that everything on the father-lie front is going to be okay now.
And that this marks the beginning of laying the living bones of the absent father to rest in a peaceful grave.