Trouble ahead, trouble behind: son going to summer house sit for aging hippie art professor

Peyote, the miniature bull terrier

So Jamie calls last night to announce that he's committed himself to house sit for his artist-mentor-now-methinks-guru, Kirk, and his wife, for 8 weeks this summer while they go off to stay in their summer house in Sante Fe, where Kirk does a brisk business in producing large abstract art stuff, made--like so many Sheetz sandwiches--to-order for interior designers. Jamie will come home with me for the last half of May, and then it's back to stay at the house that belongs to Kirk and his wife, Wren [her actual name, or at least the one she foists off as her actual name]. Jamie will be there June-July and  then come back and spend a few weeks in August with me.


I feel sad [no need for litotes here].


I probably did not stage the most productive mother-son conversation ever. 


For Jamie it means, apparently,  the coolest thing ever, including  access to a studio that is "very unique." 


[Sidebar: I hate when anyone, let alone the fruit of my womb, commits the grammatical error of modifying an absolute adjective like "unique"  with an intensifier, because, for the record: it's either "unique" or not.]. 


For me, it means more of less Jamie. 


In one of my less-than-productive moments of interrogation, I asked, shrilly: "Why do they need someone to house sit if they summer in Sante Fe? can't someone just pop in now and then to water plants. It'll be summer, for god's sake."


"Peyote," Jamie replied.


I wasn't sure I heard him correctly; I haven't heard the word "peyote" spoken since circa 1974.


"Does Kirk grow drugs? Is he leaving you to tend his peyote plants because I hope you know that there's no medical dispensation for peyote,  unless you're like an Indian or something? Do you do drugs with him? Are you sexually active? [that nonsequitur query just slipped out, but I have been wondering]. What does this mean, he needs you there for peyote?"


Jamie sighed the sigh of an ancient oracle and replied:


"No."
"Peyote does not grow on plants, and I do know there's no medical peyote statute."
"No."
"I'm 19. What do you think?"


Then he paused.


"Peyote is Kirk and Wren's dog. That's the dog's name. Peyote. He's old and he can't handle the travel and transition, so they are going to pay me $500 a week and let me use their studio and supplies in exchange for my being like a --what's that called--home health care worker for their beloved dog. They invited you to come stay anytime. Kirk invited me because he thinks I'm really a great artist and a really responsible kid. He laughed and said it was okay when I told him about how I lied to him about you being stuck in Egypt.[http://tinyurl.com/4lyy7mc] He respects me."


Oh, I thought. Then I said: "oh."


"Yeah," Jamie replied.


"So, what kind of dog is it? And I respect you too--I do."


"I know. A miniature bull terrier. Amazingly cute. Are we okay with all this now?"


"I'll just miss you. Ya know? I've been thinking about cooking actual meals again, and how all your friends would be coming by the house again, and we could netflix the series Slings and Arrows again....."


"Momma Jeff, we can do those things. I'll come back right after finals. and then for most of August. But this is really important to me. And the money's great and I can save most of it since I don't spend money on things like peyote. And his studio is unbelievable. I"ll send you pics from my iPhone."


Sigh. So it's agreed. And I know it's a good thing. Pretty much. I mean, I pretty much know; it's undoubtedly a good thing. I should be proud. I am proud. Maybe it will divert him from his plan to try to find the sperm donor father, who is a total lie of my own invention: http://tinyurl.com/4zknj9f


I'd just thought, you know, we'd hang out and all. But it'll give me time to work on the script http://tinyurl.com/4vbtdox. I know that Parenthetical Man would like another date so I can get into Manhattan more maybe [http://tinyurl.com/495albw.] Or even try to see, again,  if I could do some local online dating [ http://tinyurl.com/4qxqy4j], just, you know, for a hobby, like knitting. I could try knitting, too.


Yeah, I'll have plenty to do this summer.  Lots to do. I'm not gonna worry about Jamie unduly. This is all part of growing up; he'll be fine creating art while dog sitting at Kirk's house. No worries.


Still, you have to wonder: what kind of person names his dog "Peyote"?


A totally unique one, I guess.